Why I don't like the gym

I like jogging, put me on a treadmill and I could run till the cows come home. However due to the recession I’ve had to sacrifice the gym and take up jogging in the park instead; which isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I get to see greenery, breathe in the fresh city air (I say fresh…) and spit discreetly in the bushes - now I don’t get to that in a gym. Another thing that I don’t miss about the gym, are the other people who go there.

We all know the ones: every gym has them, the sweaty meat head who’s pumping iron in the corner, the peroxide Barbie clad in air tight Lycra on the cross trainer, and the fucking treadmill space invaders.

I hate these mother fuckers.

Every time I used to go to the gym, one of these bastards would come and use the treadmill right next to me. This would be o.k if the gym wasn’t busy or there were only like 3 treadmills there. It was 2 o’clock on a Wednesday, and there were 20 of the fucking things. So why!? Why run right next to me!? I am not looking attractive. I am in a big ass ugly man shirt, sweat pants with a red face. So it can’t be because they think I’m a catch…

Eventually one of my friends told me that some people do this to “steal” your running rhythm.

…

“Steal” my running rhythm..?

Get your own fucking rhythm! I like running alone, I don’t like sweaty bastards (and it’s always men) coming up, ruining my flow and stealing my rhythm. Fuck off and go lift a medicine ball or something.

Oh and what is it with people who don’t wipe the machines after using them. Ewwwww. That’s just nasty; and girls who wear full make-up to the gym. Get real you silly bitches, anybody who gives a shit is too busy working on their own abs. Their also probably too busy admiring themselves in the mirror (oh yeah I see you – you vain bastards).

So when people ask – I say no, I don’t really miss the gym. O.k. sometimes when it rains, I wish I was indoors, then I visualize the perspiring, grunting people who await me there and I quickly change my mind.