People who walk slowly on the sidewalk

Filed under: Society

Good lord this has been getting on my nerves for awhile now, sometimes I wish I could just scream,

”If you’re not going to walk any faster then get out of the fucking way!”

Honestly I have come to the conclusion that humanity is slowing down. Not only mentally but physically too: it would explain why most of humanity seem to walk at sloth speed. At first I thought, “Could it be me? Do I just walk abnormally fast?” and no, it’s not just me, because I have spoken to those of you who share my pain.

The pain of being stuck behind people who are walking like they are going to fucking live forever. People who have to walk side by side, talking up the entire pavement, sometimes pushing prams the size of space shuttles, sometimes holding hands so they form a wall of inconsiderate flesh.

I have things to do, places I need to be. Most of the time I don’t have time to dawdle and count the cracks in the concrete like some people do. So be considerate and get the fuck out of the way. You know I’m there: even though your not facing me, most humans have pretty good spatial awareness. So if you can “feel” me getting right up your ass then chances are I’m either trying to walk past you or hit you in the back of the head (sometimes I wish I could do both).

It’s just polite if you’re in the way then move: the other person may be late, or in a rush (or both). It’s not going to hurt you to let them pass -so just do it.

Mind you, I swear some people receive a sick sense of satisfaction when they know some is trying to get past them. I swear they slow down even more. I know people do this in cars, I’ve seen it. Sometimes I think it’s best for humanity that I never learn to drive. Think about it I’m like this – without road rage, god knows what I’ll be like with it.

Another thing, don’t you just hate it when people abruptly stop right in front of you. Or right in front of a shop your going into. Why? WHY!? Stop once your inside the fucking shop not outside it: I’m sure whatever your going to do, can bloody wait for 5 seconds whilst you walk those extra 5 steps inside. Still nothing is as bad as prams and oooh don’t get me started on those fucking things…

Because yes, I can see you have baby (well done you), and yes I know that you have to transport your little sack of drool around with you but why do you have to buy such a stupidly big buggy?! It’s a pavement not a motorway; and did you give birth to a baby rhino to constitute buying a push chair the size of a small car? No, I didn’t think so.

The worst thing is when two mums are walking side by side pushing their prams on a tiny pavement. There is nothing you can do to get rid of them, the only option is to quickly walk onto the road and rush past them, (hoping you don’t get hit by a car). Either that or torture yourself by waddling behind them at snails pace for about 5 minutes whilst listening to one of them complain about her leaky breasts. The funny thing is when you ask politely to pass them they glare at you like your a thoughtless bitch and make a half ass attempt in moving their infant trolly’s. Not enough to let you through comfortable, oh no, you are expected to suck it in and squeeze past their evil carriages as best you can.

So even though I can’t make people speed up whilst walking in public and most of the time I have to resist the urge to hit them when they don’t. I wanted to let those of you who understand me know that you’re not alone in feeling this pain. Trust me, you’re not.